Man Sets His Balls on Fire after Stealing Gas
by HumorOnline.com Staff
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And here we have yet one more stupid criminal. But this one is a real sucker – a gas sucker.
Here’s what happened:
Two men decided they wanted to steal some gasoline. You see, they determined that the price of gas was prohibitively expensive, so they believed that it was better to let other people pay for their gas, and then they would just, uh, “borrow” it.
But to “borrow” the gasoline, which was, of course, rightfully theirs, they needed a siphon hose, a gas can, and a car with “their” gas in it.
And just to be real assholes, they decided that they would siphon the gas from a firefighter’s car.
Now the good part:
They had no clue how to work the siphon and spilled gas all over their clothes.
Wait, it gets worse:
Half-panicked, one of the men wanted to see how much gas he spilled on himself, so he did what any criminal on crack would do, he took out his lighter – yes, I
said LIGHTER, and lit it.
Do I need to continue?
Okay, let’s refer back to our “How to Prevent Fires” booklet that we were all given in the third grade. On page 27, rule 3954 reads:
“After smoking crack, you should never siphon gas, but if you do, do not spill it on your balls and then use a lighter to see where the gas is at.”
Now, there are many ways to self-castrate, but…
Okay, let me put it another way: Every Christmas this son of a bitch hears the lyric “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,” and he breaks out in tears.
Didn’t your mom ever tell you not to roast your nuts?
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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This material may not be reproduced in any form.
