Debt Collector Demands 5 Cent Payment; Threatens Eviction
by HumorOnline.com Staff
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Alice Nelson is an 80-year-old grandmother who lives in a suburb of Greater Manchester, England. She has lived in the same home for 45 years and has never been behind on her house payments.
So it was a shock when a bill collector from Wigan and Leigh Housing debt collection showed up at her door. He told Alice that she owed them money and if she did not pay immediately she would be evicted.
Alice, in complete shock, asked how much she owed.
The bill collector responded, “Five cents.”
Now is this completely fucked up, or what? Five cents! I have heard of petty bullshit before, but this is the pettiest.
Alice should have kicked the son of bitch in the groin, like 50 or 60 times.
Okay, let’s review this extremely serious matter, shall we…
A responsible, intelligent, caring, and loving grandmother makes her house payments for 45 years. She accidentally underpays by a whopping 5 cents, and Wigan and Leigh immediately send out a bill collector to her house and threaten her with eviction if she does not pay the 5 cents – in full.
Time out – I gotta puke.
Okay, now that I’ve lost my breakfast, let’s continue.
I recommend that we castrate the bill collector. Since he is such a tough guy, and thus has to demonstrate to all 80-year-old grandmothers that he has “balls,” I submit to you that we should cut them off.
We will then send the bill for the castration to the president of Wigan and Leigh, and since castrations are quite expensive ($54,835,423 is our price), he may not be able to pay.
No worries. We will submit our bill to a bill collector, who will then show up at the president’s house with a knife (or should I say “testicle slicer”) in his hand.
The president will be given three and a half seconds to pay, and if he does not, we will evict his gonads from their scrotal residence.
Hey Mr. President, if you don’t pay your debt there are consequences!
Say goodbye to your little friends (testicles). And, by the way, if you are a man, why do you have a vagina? Or is it that your wang is so small that we can’t see it?
Pass the knife…
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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This material may not be reproduced in any form.
