Blonde Jokes:
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says, “I would like to buy that T.V. please.”
The store clerk replies, “I’m sorry, but we don’t do business with blondes.”
So she angrily leaves the store, goes home, and dyes her hair black.
The next day, she goes back to the same store and says, “I would like to buy that T.V. please.”
The store clerk, once again, replies. “Sorry, we don’t do business with blondes.”
The blonde replis, “How did you know I was blonde?”
The clerk responds, “Because that’s a microwave, not a T.V.”
Blonde Jokes:
Two blondes walk into a building…wouldn’t you think at least one of them would have seen it?
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on. So one day she was driving in the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. She asked a farmer, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?"
“Uh, okay, I guess,” said the farmer.
So she quickly counted them and said 247. The farmer looked around astonished and said, "Okay then, go ahead and take one."
As she was walking back to her car the farmer stopped her and asked,” If I can guess your natural hair color can I have my dog back?"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was SO RELIEVED when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were driving down the road, when a cop starts to chase them.
They speed off and eventually crash into the side of a barn. They then quickly jump out of the car and hide under some potato sacks.
The cop runs in after them, and the first potato sack he comes to the brunette is under. He kicks it and the brunette says, "MEEEEOOOOOOW", and the cop says, "Oh! It's just a stupid cat."
He then moves to the potato sack the red-head is under and kicks it. The red-head replies, "WOOF, WOOF", the cop, angry now, says, "STUPID DOG!"
Then the cop gets to the potato sack the blonde is under, he kicks it with great force and the blonde screams, "POOOOOOTAAAAAAATOOOOOOO!"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins. She starts screaming at the top of her lungs, but the horse doesn't stop, and the blonde continues to be dragged upside down. She is panicked and doesn't know what to do. Finally, the Wal-Mart manager comes out and unplugs it.
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a painter and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any work for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50 when he was interrupted…
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Jokes:
There are 3 women standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything that you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think I am the thinnest person in the world." Poof! She disappeared. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror "I am the prettiest woman in the world." Poof! She disappeared. Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think..." and poof, she disappeared.
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde starts first grade --
Day 1
A blonde comes home from her first day at school and says to her mom,” We learned how to count up to 5 today mommy, but got all the way up to 10!” Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"
”Yes little one,” replies the mother.
Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mommy. The others only got up to E, but I got all the way up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
”Yes little one,” replies the mother.
Day 3:
"I think I learned about boobies today mommy. You see, all of the other girls are flat chested but I'm a 40DD. Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"
”No, it’s because you’re 27.”
Blonde Jokes:
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 3 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and screamed,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?"
And his lovely wife replied, "I don't have any idea who it was. Just some stupid woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear.’”
"Why in the heck would anyone call asking me about the dang weather by the ocean?"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk, and the brunette goes, "Oh look, a dead bird," and the blonde looks up at the sky and goes, "Where?"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off."
She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die."
"That's ridiculous," yells the barber, as he rips the headphones off her head.
But, tragically, she fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised so he picked up the head-phones.
All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in."
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde visits Washington D.C. for the first time and she wants to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a cop for directions.
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replis, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 78 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanks the officer and he drives away.
Seven hours later the police officer returns to the same area and, unbelievably, that the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer gget out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 78 bus and that was seven hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replis, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...the 65th bus just went by!"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. A doctor examines her and says, ''You have acute appendicitis.''
The blond then yells at the doctor,
''I came here to get medical help, not to get a stupid compliment!''
Blonde Jokes:
Two blondes were planning to rob a bank.
The first blonde had a tendency to be smarter than the second.
They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank.
The first blonde says to the second blonde, "Are you SURE you understand the plan?"
"Yes!" replied the second blonde.
So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.
Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned.
The first blonde gets very nervous.
Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.
"No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!"
Blonde Jokes:
A Blonde walks into a restaurant, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that says "Ocean Cruise Only $100."
So she pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.
The secretary nods and asks if she has the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.
The secretary looks over to a big, burly guy reading a newspaper and nods to him. He then stands up and knocks the blonde unconscious.
When the blonde wakes up, she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.
The blonde looks at her friend and says, "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?"
And the other blonde replies, "Well, they didn't serve any last year!"
Blonde Jokes:
The top 10 inventions by Blondes:
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to a repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have some fun; so he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
Back home, after 3 hours of blowing into the tailpipe, the blonde's friend (another blonde!) came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's just really working."
"Well, duh! You have to roll up the windows first!"
Blonde Jokes:
When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath to make me more attractive."
The milkman replied, "Oh, okay. Pasteurized?"
The blonde looked at the milkman with a confused look on her face and said...
"No, just up to my neck."
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde was walking down the street when she looked up and saw a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde exclaimed, "Good thing I had my mouth open or that would've hit me right in the face!"
Blonde Jokes:
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
Blonde Jokes:
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her, "Go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?"
The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two months studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets rather indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"
The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says, "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"
The blonde tosses her hair confidently and proclaims, "That's easy! It's M!"
